When my world turns black and blue

Paolo Coehlo said,

“If one day I could get out of here, I would allow myself to be crazy. Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don’t know they’re crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to.”

Oh this Christmas, it doesn’t ends to be as it. Bitter is what I called for it. I cannot celebrate, i cannot afford to smile, i cannot rejoice at this wonderful day and lastly i just still cannot move on. Teardrops are still on the sides of my eyes. Nightmares are in my head at night. These frustrations keep me hanging in cliff of my goodness. I wanted to turn things out but it is very hard because all of things around me seems to be my rival, everything around me is against in me. What should I do? Is there something else that i can even do?

I'm very frustrated right now. My world become small, full of angst, dangerous and very demonic. Lot of things are in my mind. Do you believe me that suicide is one of them? I know its kinda awkward, little things shouldn't end like this, but i just cannot control my emotions. I'm truly carried away by this foolish frustrations.