Kamsa Hamnida

Just when I thought that I will be having one of my loneliest days at college because I enrolled in summer classes for six weeks. My fellow batch mates just graduated a week ago and leave me alone in the last seven months of my college life. I thought it'll be boring going to school without your old friends. I know it'll be hard for me to adjust my mindset not to see them anymore throughout the day but I need to move on. It is just hard for me to accept that when I entered that university I am not alone at all because I'm already with a high school friend of mine and from there a lot of things happened, and the rest is history.

I already imagined myself, or should I say my only self, eating my lunch and merienda's alone. I'd imagined myself to be at the library not seeing any familiar faces in my last five years at the university. It is such a suicidal feeling for me to think those things, but I to need face this because this will come to me soon. After two weeks in my summer classes, those angst moments was already in system. I'd realized how lonely I am at one point. In a point when I miss my friends badly. Yes, some of my closest friends was still here, but where not that often seeing each other unlike a regular semester. I badly miss them.

This expected situation that I'd imagined were a little bit brushed off by meeting a new friend. She's a familiar face to me, but I don't know her personally not until the 2nd day of the summer classes. At first, I thought she's a very studious type of person, and after sometime she proved to me that I ain't wrong. She looks so serious wearing those white-framed eyeglasses but I also find that somehow she's a bubbly type of girl. After a day or two, I really find myself comfortably talking to her a lot of stuffs and even ask some questions about her interest. Then I found that she love to cook too and dream to become a chef someday, just like me. It is just an amazing timing for me to meet someone like her in the last stages of my college life. I just wanna take this opportunity to thank her for crossing my path that is almost destroyed by those sad ideas that I've said. Thanks for the not making, the passed ten days, of my summer class boring. Thank you because even though I am into something that is quite disturbing, you're still there to listen and reply to my non-sense messages. I hope you'll continue writing in your blogs soon. Earlier you'd opened about something termed your "problem" last semester. Don't be hesitant to me if you really need someone to share that story. I promise, I'll listen and try my best to throw my sensible advice, if I really have one, in my pocket. I just really want to thank you for your the time and patience. I am so grateful that I met a new friend like you at this time when I really and badly needed it most. Kamsa Hamnida!

"There is always, always, always something to be thankful for."

Plain White T's - 1234

The Unbeatable You

It is so good for everyone of us to feel that we are truly in love with someone special in our life. But there's no other great feeling in this world than to feel that you are being loved by the same person. Sometimes those two things are present when we are loving. Unfortunately, in some painful scenario, one is lacking and that thing is the feeling that your sincerely be loved by the person you'd once considered your "LIFE".

Life is always like this. There are a lot of things that seems so complete, but in reality maybe one of those pieces wasn't there at all. It's just like the song "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough", Love alone doesn't complete the cast of an ordinary love story. It's more than about Love. It must be beyond the "thing" that we are only deeply in love. It doesn't get any better if the person we love really know the "HOW" side of his or her love to us. It is so cruel if we lived by a person's love and yet their offering only the "WHAT" side of it. I could say to all the girls in this world that I'd loved them, but I just couldn't prove that thing to all of them. Sometimes our life is really planned for this kind of struggles for us to grow up, to grow up in even it is on such a hard way.

Once in our life, we will be meeting the person that we thought "Mr. or Ms. Right" for us, and that's how the magic starts. Also in some complicated cases, once in our life we'll cross our paths with a "Mr. or Ms. Wrong", as we wonder that from there, a magic could also start something that we never thought could happen. Again, life is too ironic especially when it comes to love. We could fight our love to those persons that is unsatisfied to this "Wrong Person". We can fight love even it is all against odds. More often, when we are in love, the only thing that matters the most is the idea of "what I mean to you and what you mean to me". That's it! No other things can replace that idea. And if something happened unexpectedly, it's too late for us to realize that we've beaten the person that we shouldn't even try to beat, -ourselves.

Always remember that our lives was built that way for one thing, for us to grow up. It doesn't always have a perfect ending because getting hurt is truly inevitable. But keep in mind that if it ended not the way we ever expect it, try to be thankful for one thing and look the other side of the story. Bear in mind that "Life is just a matter of perspective". Be grateful for the thing that even we got hurt, there is one thing to cheer about too, and that is "We're learning" from that anxious experience. It is hard to accept that we'd fight for our love but fighting it alone wasn't a pre-requisite for us to have a happy ending love story. We can't win any game alone. Even a chess grandmaster playing alone with his opponent, had his cargo of experiences and learnings in his mind, for him not to do the same mistake again. As I thought that loving someone is just like that. You can't win it alone. You just can't give, give and give alone nor take, take and take all alone. Someone should gonna give in for you to take a piece of thing from him/her. All the stories in this world have two sides. If we've beaten ourselves, don't lose hope. There are a lot of chances in our life. We just try to keep moving on, even though it is hard, we really need to go on to the flow. With those heavy loads of learnings in our heart, maybe someday we'll find the person we're imagining after all those years. Maybe the most deserving persons in this world really worth a chance to enter someone's life. But it is not that easy. That chance shall be given to that person at the right time. A time when we already gathered all the pieces that had been shattered. A time when we considered ourselves a whole again. A time when we already have a fixed heart. A time when we could already shout to the world, "Now, I am grown up person and it's because of him. I am so grateful for what he'd brought into my life, it is such a bittersweet learning experience and because of that I need to keep moving."

Dedicated to all the girls that had been used and never ever will be used again.

to : jdf & maaj