Bittersweet Cheese

I miss my writing sessions badly. A lot of school stuffs are a little bit done for the next one and half week I guess. It is my time to make up for those lost time. It is kinda awkward because for the past few days I'm attempting to make a new post in this blog, I just can't find the right word how to start it. Today I am making this post out of nothing. I want to share something that I still don't know. I want to confess for something that I ain't sure. I am still hurting for that damn lady. I know I used to loved her so much before, but right now all the feelings that I am into are very awful and full of despair. I can't take the fact that I am here all myself all alone. I still just can't take it. I just can't accept the word "TRUTH" even I witness all of those fucking things with my both eyes. I can't make myself realize that I nothing at this point of time. My efforts, my feelings and my inspirations that give me a lot of meaning on how to live life differently just collide in a blink of my eye. I am so affected on all those things develop not in my own benefit but with her another man. I am quite sensitive on the things their telling me, quite emotional on the pictures that I am looking and quite indifferent on every person who talks like they knew all those pain hiding in my smiles. I am like this just because of one reason. I am pitying myself deeply. It seems that I didn't sacrifice a lot of things just to have my world-renowned ANGEL. Today that cherubic creature seems so devil in me. I hate her for making me feel this way. But there is nothing that I can do, The only thing left for me is just to move on. What the heck?! What a word! What a world. This is so cruel. I can't help myself to cry every night whenever I am alone. Can't make help myself to look so far away just not to see those couples holding hands. Can't make myself realize how she dumped me and buried my whole world on the a hole she dig especially for me. I am so disappointed for these weird and unjust things. She makes me wonder if she really is the ANGEL that I'm into almost for the last two years of my life. But she proved me that I am wrong. I can't deny the fact that the feelings are still there, but I guarantee you damn lady, I am not into you at this moment in time. Stop assuming that I am. What the hell are you thinking? Yes, I am so sad for the things you brought in me in the past few weeks. But I need to better get going because a lady like you, don't deserve a cheesy young man like me.

"Stop pretending that you are an angel, because you're definitely not a heaven sent."

Howie Day - Collide