The Sunset

I guess it's the right time to let it go,
If you think I am wrong for doing this
It ain't my discretion for doing it so,
So if you just can't do it, just say it please.

Say

And I Still Do

Is it right to expect for something you dreamt of for a very long time? I guess it isn't that bad. But I'm doing it in a insensible manner again. I cannot dissect things well. Someone said, I'm too blind and too deaf inside of me for not realizing what things are happening in this situation today. The exact feeling of that statement represent what I feel right now. I cannot blame myself for interpreting some facts that are known to me in a uncharacteristic way. Did I misinterpret it anew? Why I'm always like this, very assuming paired with a lot of expectations. I cannot take the fact that I need to leave something I really work hard for the last two years of my life.

From the day I first met a lovely lady in my Business Mathematics subject, for the first time I talk to her in our school library and for the first time in my life to encounter a great lady dressed with her own elegance through his simplicity, I really dreamed to be her man someday, and her as my beloved lady. Two years are now about to end, and still I seemed to be hopeless. I cry so hard wishing that my long time dream will come into life. But my tears aren't enough to call her mine. How many times we argue a lot things about my childish feeling towards her. I never ever got mad to her even somehow way back she treat me I'm just a stranger, a stranger looking at her all day long. Praying that someday we can start something from scratch, make my own love story with her and end it happily. Dreams are not yet come into life, but I'm still hoping somehow. I know someday, It'll be so tiring for me to give myself a part of me for someone who cannot do the same thing for me. I just keep a thing telling my heart and mind repeatedly. "I am just a human, all things on me have its own limitations. What if I'd come to that point already?" Do I need to return the lost pieces of me? or Do I need to gamble the last remaining pieces of me, for expecting that right now she is acting exactly the way I do for her?

At the end of the day, come what may. I am grateful I met someone like you, who change me the way I was before you came into my life. As "I do cherish you, for the rest of my life". I love you even if you think I'm not that sincere. Again this is me waited for so long to say and prove how much I love you, can't help myself to scream, I LOVE YOU.




I Do

Maze & Riddle

Friday night, around 8 in the evening. A rainy night, a cute voice and a nice song. A really great day indeed. I am very happy during that day. I misses someone a lot, and because of my time constraints to that person we really seldom meet for the last twenty days in school. I ended my toxic week with a pleasing attitude. A mind that is at peace, and a heart that full of growing emotions. I ain't like this two weeks ago, but all the hard times are all brushed out just in a blink of my eye, just with a angelic creature's smile. I can't explain any further this feeling right now. But if this is another kind of history for me, and knowing that it isn't in my side. I still do what makes me happy and makes that creature feel happy too, for the my remaining days here in heaven, with that angel.

"Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back"

Lenka - The Show

Mask

Three weeks. Fifteen days of bliss and lot of unfinished businesses. I ain't saying I don't like this, I do really like this scenario. Lot of paper works, memorization, calculations and realizations, Bloody nose, clots in my brain and a wounded heart. I know in nature it felts like hell. But again, if this from hell, why I am enjoying it? I really enjoying it for the meantime. I just took a short break from my study habit simultaneously using the internet, and that is why I am writing this non-sense post now. I just really need a break to assess something what is happening to me right now. And this break is now about to end.

As this line, really give me a hard time to continue what I am doing,

"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not."

And still I can't take off this mask...

The Great Escape

336

Last night in the middle of being carried away of a certain selfish circumstances, I'd typed an emotional blog about myself being a gutless person. I am courageous blogger but honestly just a weak person in the reality. I cannot gamble for the sake of having a peace in mind. It involves a lot, a lot that I already call a -lifetime. It just like playing a poker game having all my chips at the table and betting all in with no pairs or combination at all. I ain't blaming anybody right now. I am the one making my problems at first place. I am the one engage a lot of this scenario for the last eight years. I thought Coelho's line saying "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." was such a great line, now I regret it. Regret it badly. I thought it'll help me, but look it doesn't really at all. I hate this scenario. I know this ain't the first time, but this will be the most remarkable twist in my story engaging my fate. I just cannot lose anybody right now, eventhough at this point of time I'm badly losing my head figuratively.

And this is so hard for me,
I'm badly wounded with no wounds at all.

Three hundred and thirty six hours and counting...