Last night in the middle of being carried away of a certain selfish circumstances, I'd typed an emotional blog about myself being a gutless person. I am courageous blogger but honestly just a weak person in the reality. I cannot gamble for the sake of having a peace in mind. It involves a lot, a lot that I already call a -lifetime. It just like playing a poker game having all my chips at the table and betting all in with no pairs or combination at all. I ain't blaming anybody right now. I am the one making my problems at first place. I am the one engage a lot of this scenario for the last eight years. I thought Coelho's line saying "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." was such a great line, now I regret it. Regret it badly. I thought it'll help me, but look it doesn't really at all. I hate this scenario. I know this ain't the first time, but this will be the most remarkable twist in my story engaging my fate. I just cannot lose anybody right now, eventhough at this point of time I'm badly losing my head figuratively.
And this is so hard for me,
I'm badly wounded with no wounds at all.
Three hundred and thirty six hours and counting...
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