I wish I really have the power to go back to the past. I know there were a lot of things I need to change in my life at the present. There were a lot of things that I need to correct at that point. I wish I am just a sleep away of traveling back to the past. I wish I just take a nap and boom! I'm already in a year where I really wanted to go back. I'm dreaming to go back in the exact date today, but in the year 2007. With all the thoughts in my mind because of what will happen in the future, I'm sure I'm not as desperate as am I in my present. I'll be introducing myself to a different lady as compare as what really happened three years ago. I want to meet her from June and try my very best to be as comfortable as we are in the future. Even though things might not as easy as we are three years from now, I'd rather still gamble and take all the stakes of meeting that lady, of which a young girl at this period. In my mind, I believe things might be different if I am that this period compare on what really happened. "Prevention is better than cure", right? but I'm selfishly thinking all this things considering only myself. I couldn't help myself to face the reality of present because I'm helplessly falling in love for a lady that cannot be mine because of what happened three years ago. I wish I am that lucky guy. I dream that I can be her man and she can my lady. I wish I have the power to sleep that way because I really don't know what to do right now or should I say that there's nothing left for me to do? Because as days goes by, the truth isn't just hurting me at all, it slowly killing me.
"If I could be anyone now,at this moment I'd be him so you'd love me too."
Why I am still awake and typing my second post in the last six hours? I just can't sleep with a heavy heart the past few days. I'm into something that I really just can't explain. I'm into something that bothers my inner me big time. I keep on saying that I'm okay and yet I am here grimacing in pain that was brought by my own past. A part of my past doesn't haunts me today but it almosy killed me last night. How I wish I wasn't there a year ago. How I wish I wasn't there two years ago. I thought I'm already done reminiscing the pain that, that person brought to me in my life. I thought we won't cross our roads again. Literally, we didn't meet at all, but something about her still stabbing my chest with a dagger. I just want to be happy. I just want to have a normal life, but with her, my life become miserable day by day. I know I'm already mature person after what happened almost a year ago. I'm trying to become a grown-up person in every little aspects in my life. I'm trying to become cautious in dealing with my emotions in the past twelve months. I don't even tried to look for a girl that will offset any pain in my heart. I don't even tried to look into a girl's eyes because I know myself that I am not ready to fall in love anew. I'm quite busy in my studies and tried my very best to do all the necessary adjustment for me to make up for the lost time. A month. Two months. Three. Six months. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven Months. That was eleven months ago. Just when I thought I can already continue to live my life normally. A dagger relating to her stabs me in my chest. The dagger that almost killed me eleven months ago. But this is a different dagger, it is a double-edged dagger, but with the same effect and mission, and that is to kill me. Am I bleeding right now? I don't think so. Because all the blood in my system refused to flow out of my body with the same thing that almost drained them eleven months ago. And it really sucks. This anger in me, towards that former angel that became a devil, ignited an unbeatable flame. I want to burn all the bad memories, all the scenario, all the things that was associated to her and destroy that dagger with my own blood. I can't barely continue my feelings toward a new lady because of the dagger that is still in my chest. A very visible dagger that almost killed me eleven months ago. I hate to be in this place. I just can't continue a wonderful journey that I went into the past one and half month. It is like I'm in a luxury cruise in the middle of the ocean, but I am there all alone. I'm lost. I'm so absurd in a point that I can't think anymore how will I be back to the shore. I just want to have a wonderful journey with this luxury cruise, but I won't even avail it even in my imagination. I'm in a cruise, but the one I am dreaming to be with was in that elegant ship next to this luxury cruise where I am boarding. The dagger in my chest is the reason why that lady in that elegant ship cannot even bid her goodbye to me. I really want her to be with in in this luxurious cruise ship. I want to sail around the world with her. I want to go to the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco with her. I want to cook some pasta for her. Watch with her the sunset seating in a bench where the famous Full House was built. Lay down under a tree in any part of Korea when it is autumn. I just only want her to be with me in those destinations. I just want to live a normal life after all these years. I just want to share the happiness that I felt on the past one and half month with a young lady. A lady that I never imagined to shake my whole me in a very small amout of time. As I just want to live a happy and normal life not all alone, but with her.
3:42am
I don't mind, not knowing what I'm headed for You can take me to the skies It's like being lost in heaven When I'm lost in your eyes
When was the last time I feel so blessed like this? I barely can't remember it all I guess. When was the last time I feel that I am so accepted this way? Geez! It's in the books and already part of my history. When was the last time I met a person that really shaken my whole identity? The answer will be about a month and half ago, in a span of 24 days. That 24 days seems to be a lifetime for me, and yet I still doesn't want that to end at any point soon. In a span of six weeks a lot of things happened, developed and ignited. Problems got solved and everything seems so perfect. Blessings showered me and also that person. During that period, everything was like a perfect piece for a colorful puzzle. I am blessed that I met a person that was also blessed in so many ways. There were a lot of things that we are exaggeratedly similar ad for me, that is so fantastic. The is like meeting your long lost childhood friend, it's like your much-awaited acquaintance to your long lost brother. That 24 days was also like being in a luxury cruise where we share our stories, throwing jokes on each other and looking all over horizon in the middle of the ocean. In that journey it is so ironic why we don't even have to battle with the "rules of comfortability" while engaging with those happy moments. Yes, I am really running-out of words on how will I describe how we really treat each other in a span of 24 days. Is it awkward? NO. Is it weird? NO. Is it uncomfortable? BIG NO! So what is it? Do you remember the cruise we were into? We're just like that, very smooth-sailing on how we deal on each other. We're like a cruise running smoothly elegant.
Why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that last forever, like a greeting card?
