Change Has Gotten My Way

I’d never thought life would be as gentle as this even though things were not favoring my way all through year. Life was so harsh from the first quarter of the year but you’d changed it in a blink of my eye. All of a sudden you came into the picture and I never expect that you’ll stay as long as this moment, almost at the end of year. How many times will I express my gratefulness unto you? The answer will be “Until the moment He will take my borrowed life away in this world.” What is the right word that will I describe how much do you mean to me? The answer will be “Words aren’t enough to tell how much light you have given to my life.” How long would it take for me to treat you like this? It would be “Every now and then, until the end of time. Every time I believe on myself that I’m capable of giving my affection and appreciation to you in my best efforts and my own little ways. Until we will both reach our own goals and the rest of my dreams that I want to share with you. Until my next life, until I can see you with my eyes even though it had a poor vision, until I can feel you when I’m already blind. Until I can’t remember you because of my second childhood as I always go back where we first met each other. And if my voice runs out because of saying the sweetest lines every time, I’ll still not hesitate to shout all over again to the world that I’ll still choose you to be my life-long partner if I’ll be born again.

“Of all the changes that came to my life, the way you did is my all-time favorite. “

“I am so thankful that our roads crossed and I’m really dreaming both of us together at the end of this road”

“I really like the way you changed me, as I promise to you that I’ll never get tired of loving you and show to you how much this changed man can last with you through his best efforts and his own petty ways.

Now and Forever

It's been a while since the last time I'd opened my notepad, reflect into something and make a blog entry. Now that I'm enjoying a semestral break, there's no reason for me not to make another entry to my online journal. What a month it was. I've been toxicated, exhausted and frustrated for the past few weeks especially in my studies, but I am so grateful, enthusiastic and optimistic in the other side of my life.

That side of my life is unbelievable. As someone came unexpectedly I also wish she'll stay indefinitely. I'll be giving her the finest love that I can give. I'll be giving her the best feeling in the world because falling in love with her is the most wonderful thing that has came in my twenty two years of existing in this world.

RZQZMFGZD LHMZ.

Once in a Lifetime

I’ll always remember that Superman himself has a kryptonite, but the Man of Steel still continues his mission come what may. Just like him, I have my ups and downs, but it wouldn’t affect me as a whole, I shall continue even how hard it is. You’ll be asking me for the reason of what? As I answer, same old reason my dear. I am sure that God will not give me any reasons not to love you. Maybe there could be some restrictions, but at the end of the day I want you to know I’ll use those restrictions to motivate myself further.

I’ll maximize all the thing that I have and not just look on those things that I don’t have. Preferably look what’s left in my hand, restricted or not I want you to feel and think of me, as a man who, even thru good and bad times will never give up onto you just like this. This is the only thing I have and the sole opportunity that GOD and YOU have given to me. So why not I should maximize and embrace for it further? Who knows what the future will bring us? I want you to know that in everything that I do, I’m giving my very best because you’re the BEST blessing I have ever received in my life. That I am feeling the BEST FEELING in the world right now, I am so in love having the BEST LOVE ever conquered me. As I want you know that this LOVE is really worth fighting for. I’ll fight for it and wait for the right time because I know BEST THINGS comes just once in a lifetime. Nothing has changed my dear. It’s just grows every minute, every moment and every day. I AM STILL SO DEEP IN LOVE WITH YOU.

“Do not count on what you lost,
Instead cherish what you have and plan what to gain.
The past never returns but the future may fulfill the loss.”

P.L. (Pure Love)

^: Would you ask me if I’m in love, because I am so excited to answer that question.

>: Are you in love?

^: Nope. Come on, ask me why.

>: Why you’re not in love?

^: Because I am not just in love right now. I am so deep in LOVE with her.

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^: A

^: E

^: I

>: O

^: I MISS

>: U

^: Perfect! =)

^: A

^: E

^: I

>: O

>: U

^: Like HIM.

^: =(

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^: Feel comfortable about me. Feel Free.

^: Just think that I’ll be your SOFA, be comfortable with me. I want you to BE OK, I am your SOFA from this point of time ok?

>: I’ll try my best.

^: BE OK.

>: I’LL BE.

^: I hope I am helping you.

>: You’ve helped a lot!

^: And I Hope I can still help you in future and other things.

>: =D

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^: Are you cute?

>: For me, I think I can pass on the definition of being Cute.

^: Let me think for it for a while.

>:…

^: You’re not cute. You’re SO CUTE!

>: =D

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^: I want to cry.

>: Oh! Why?

^: But I don’t have the right.

>: So it’s your feelings getting deeper and deeper?

^: I just can’t think for the past few days.

>: It’s better to stop thinking.

^: Honestly I am not thinking for anything.

>: ??

^: Except the fact that I am ONLY thinking of YOU.

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^: all day long, I am thinking of you, all week long. I am thinking of you, all month long. I am thinking of you.

>: ...

^: and I want to think of you, for the next day, next week, next month, for years to come.

^: =(

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^: Would you make me a ringtone using your cute voice?

>: No. It’ll cost you a lot.

^: Really? What if the only thing I can pay you in return for me to have that ringtone is my Love for you? Can I have one?

>: still no! Because I know even there’s no ringtone in return, I know you’ll give me that LOVE.

^: ^_^

The Ribbon and The Girl

I always keep on trying not to be affected on how much pain I’m into, whenever she’s talking or with that guy, because I am not on the proper place to feel that way at first place. Unfortunately, I feel and did it again. I just need to react on it for me to lessen the pain and for me to move on. Believe me, I am always reminding myself that this is the risk that she was telling me from the start. Honestly it is really painful but I can endure it. I just want to tell her what am I into, for the fact that I’ve told her the littlest thing in me and never lied to her. I really want her to know that I am not hiding anything because I want her to accept me as myself, as person who tells her everything for the reason that I really loves her, Loves you as you, Loves you as his one and only love. I want you to know that “You’re the greatest gift that I’ve ever received to my life.”

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Back To You

And YOU will be the one that I'll be serving, above them all. ü

The Luckiest Me

Exactly a year ago, I'm gramacing in pain.

Emotionally? No.

Physically? Yeah.

Its been a year after my two middle fingers were operated because of that comfort room accident. It was painful but I'd learned from that unfortunate experience. Don't rush things, It'll come your way. Be natural.

Think something deep about this line.

If you really want something, don't be so impatient. Relax and wait for the chance of grabbing it. Just remember this:

"No matter how many times you push the elevator button, it will not come any faster not until the right floor comes."

There's no way I'm rushing things after that incident, and by now I think I've found what I'm waiting for, the one I'm dreaming of. The person that will connect my middle finger again. Not the full healer that I'm wishing but the person that has the ability to cleanse all those bad things inside and out of me. Believe me, she's not a nurse nor a doctor, but she had healed my inner and outer soul. She donates me the blood that I needed for me to survive together with an unwounded heart, a healthy body and an uncorrupted mind. So who's the lucky girl? No. She's not just lucky, because I'm luckier that her in the fact that I'm so blessed that our roads crossed five months ago. She's just a twenty year old lady that I want to marry and want to live with for not just the rest of my life but also to my second, third or ninth life. A twenty year old lady that I want to be with for the rest of not just my sole life, but for the rest of the eternity.

"If ever you find someone who makes you smile and makes your life complete. Face the fact and down your pride. Keep and never let go of that person because there's no right one if you find the real one."

Better Together

Heaven Sent

I need to admit that love doesn't give us a license to own a person, we love, forever. Sometimes the chance to enjoy her company for a moment is already good enough for us. It doesn't matter how much pain it'll give us even though things might not work favorable in our way. What counts the most is the point that we care for that special person and willing to take any sacrifice for the sake of having that important person closer to you.

Honestly I know I'm looking for that person that will complete me,with the use my eyes and not through my heart all these years. What happened? Eventhough it's a bittersweet journey, I know somehow I really learned not jut something,but learned a lot. Once in a while I became a dust, travelling into pieces and don't know where exactly I will be going. And suddenly, a broom swept me, picked me up, fixed me and unexpectedly gave me some blood and makes my heart beat again. As I fall in love with her.

Yes I wouldn't deny the fact that I've been here before, but believe me its not as much as intense as this. Not as much as excited as this. You are so special because for the first time in my life I fall in love to a woman I didn't expect to cross my way at all. Fall in love to a woman I never ask for, but God has given to me in his own way. I know He did it for me to cherish every little moment of happiness and share it back to that special person. If you just know how it feels right now, it is so great and wonderful. I just want you to know that you're the most interesting person that came to my life, and I really enjoying it. As I hope you're enjoying too because I really wanted to return the favor of making me so inspired and happy at this point of time. And it is because of you.

How to love a woman:

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before, she may love again.

But, if she loves you now, what else matters?

She's not perfect and you aren't either.

The two of you may never be perfect together.

But, if she can make you laugh, cause you think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes.

Hold onto her, and give her the most you can..

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart.

So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than what she can give.

Smile while she makes you happy,

Let her know when she makes you mad,

And miss her when she's not around there.

- Bob Marley

I'm in Love

As Clear As 20:20

For the most special person in my life right now, for your 20th birthday, I want to share with you my quick list.

A list of my TOP 20 things that comes to my mind whenever I hear your name.

DORAEMON

WOLVERINE

PATOLA

KAMSAHAMNIDA

CHAPSTICK

KOREA

EBE

NYOY

APR 20, 2010

ERASER

WHITE FRAMES

CHICKEN EMPANADA

PASTA

TYK 209

BM

C2

BROWNIES

MAS

LATA

PLAIN WHITE T'S

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LHMZ!

I know you're just not just a year older, but a year better.

May today be filled with sunshine and smiles, laughter and love.

God Bless!

Hey Soul Sister

Assume Nothing

Would you mind to listen with this song?

No. I'm not saying goodbye yet because, "I'll never ever say goodbye to you in this journey."

A weird feeling struck me exactly one hour ago. A feeling I just can't explain. I'd abandoned my books for a while and suddenly think. Thinking for nothing. Think again. As again I thinks for nothing. Am I bothered? Am I bored? Am I scared? Oh is this paranoia's already killing me? or I'm just making these things so hard for myself? I want to be with you right now. Only you. You and I. Just the two of us. H KNUD XNT.

As again, I'm thinking for nothing.

I know this is hard, but I need to feel nothing.

Because this is my choice for having my everything.

This Ain't Goodbye

Under the Radar

Sometimes it is less important for us to be happy for the longest time possible. Sometimes we only care for the fact that we're just happy at the present time. So am I happy? Indeed I am happy right now, but honestly I don't care how long I will be like this. The happiness in my heart lifts every system in my whole body. I am so blessed that I meet someone that gives me the inspiration and makes me realize that life is so beautiful. I'm so grateful for all the things that we shared and talked about. The dreams, PL's, the graveyard shifts and the PM's are all the things that makes me smile all alone when I suddenly remembers it. You'd ask me last night that "Don't you think that you're thanking me too much?". In my mind as I replied, "No, I haven't done anything yet to thank you for what you have brought in my life." Tala, I am so grateful that you are in my life right now, and I want you to stay for eternity.

"A guy and a girl can be just friends but at one point or another one of them will fall for the other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe, just maybe...forever"

Higher

Dream

I wish I really have the power to go back to the past. I know there were a lot of things I need to change in my life at the present. There were a lot of things that I need to correct at that point. I wish I am just a sleep away of traveling back to the past. I wish I just take a nap and boom! I'm already in a year where I really wanted to go back. I'm dreaming to go back in the exact date today, but in the year 2007. With all the thoughts in my mind because of what will happen in the future, I'm sure I'm not as desperate as am I in my present. I'll be introducing myself to a different lady as compare as what really happened three years ago. I want to meet her from June and try my very best to be as comfortable as we are in the future. Even though things might not as easy as we are three years from now, I'd rather still gamble and take all the stakes of meeting that lady, of which a young girl at this period. In my mind, I believe things might be different if I am that this period compare on what really happened. "Prevention is better than cure", right? but I'm selfishly thinking all this things considering only myself. I couldn't help myself to face the reality of present because I'm helplessly falling in love for a lady that cannot be mine because of what happened three years ago. I wish I am that lucky guy. I dream that I can be her man and she can my lady. I wish I have the power to sleep that way because I really don't know what to do right now or should I say that there's nothing left for me to do? Because as days goes by, the truth isn't just hurting me at all, it slowly killing me.

"If I could be anyone now,at this moment I'd be him so you'd love me too."

Dreaming of You

Lost In Your Eyes

1:20am

Why I am still awake and typing my second post in the last six hours? I just can't sleep with a heavy heart the past few days. I'm into something that I really just can't explain. I'm into something that bothers my inner me big time. I keep on saying that I'm okay and yet I am here grimacing in pain that was brought by my own past. A part of my past doesn't haunts me today but it almosy killed me last night. How I wish I wasn't there a year ago. How I wish I wasn't there two years ago. I thought I'm already done reminiscing the pain that, that person brought to me in my life. I thought we won't cross our roads again. Literally, we didn't meet at all, but something about her still stabbing my chest with a dagger. I just want to be happy. I just want to have a normal life, but with her, my life become miserable day by day. I know I'm already mature person after what happened almost a year ago. I'm trying to become a grown-up person in every little aspects in my life. I'm trying to become cautious in dealing with my emotions in the past twelve months. I don't even tried to look for a girl that will offset any pain in my heart. I don't even tried to look into a girl's eyes because I know myself that I am not ready to fall in love anew. I'm quite busy in my studies and tried my very best to do all the necessary adjustment for me to make up for the lost time. A month. Two months. Three. Six months. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven Months. That was eleven months ago. Just when I thought I can already continue to live my life normally. A dagger relating to her stabs me in my chest. The dagger that almost killed me eleven months ago. But this is a different dagger, it is a double-edged dagger, but with the same effect and mission, and that is to kill me. Am I bleeding right now? I don't think so. Because all the blood in my system refused to flow out of my body with the same thing that almost drained them eleven months ago. And it really sucks. This anger in me, towards that former angel that became a devil, ignited an unbeatable flame. I want to burn all the bad memories, all the scenario, all the things that was associated to her and destroy that dagger with my own blood. I can't barely continue my feelings toward a new lady because of the dagger that is still in my chest. A very visible dagger that almost killed me eleven months ago. I hate to be in this place. I just can't continue a wonderful journey that I went into the past one and half month. It is like I'm in a luxury cruise in the middle of the ocean, but I am there all alone. I'm lost. I'm so absurd in a point that I can't think anymore how will I be back to the shore. I just want to have a wonderful journey with this luxury cruise, but I won't even avail it even in my imagination. I'm in a cruise, but the one I am dreaming to be with was in that elegant ship next to this luxury cruise where I am boarding. The dagger in my chest is the reason why that lady in that elegant ship cannot even bid her goodbye to me. I really want her to be with in in this luxurious cruise ship. I want to sail around the world with her. I want to go to the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco with her. I want to cook some pasta for her. Watch with her the sunset seating in a bench where the famous Full House was built. Lay down under a tree in any part of Korea when it is autumn. I just only want her to be with me in those destinations. I just want to live a normal life after all these years. I just want to share the happiness that I felt on the past one and half month with a young lady. A lady that I never imagined to shake my whole me in a very small amout of time. As I just want to live a happy and normal life not all alone, but with her.

3:42am

I don't mind, not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies
It's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyes

Lost In Your Eyes

Literally Speaking : 24 Days of Summer

When was the last time I feel so blessed like this? I barely can't remember it all I guess. When was the last time I feel that I am so accepted this way? Geez! It's in the books and already part of my history. When was the last time I met a person that really shaken my whole identity? The answer will be about a month and half ago, in a span of 24 days. That 24 days seems to be a lifetime for me, and yet I still doesn't want that to end at any point soon. In a span of six weeks a lot of things happened, developed and ignited. Problems got solved and everything seems so perfect. Blessings showered me and also that person. During that period, everything was like a perfect piece for a colorful puzzle. I am blessed that I met a person that was also blessed in so many ways. There were a lot of things that we are exaggeratedly similar ad for me, that is so fantastic. The is like meeting your long lost childhood friend, it's like your much-awaited acquaintance to your long lost brother. That 24 days was also like being in a luxury cruise where we share our stories, throwing jokes on each other and looking all over horizon in the middle of the ocean. In that journey it is so ironic why we don't even have to battle with the "rules of comfortability" while engaging with those happy moments. Yes, I am really running-out of words on how will I describe how we really treat each other in a span of 24 days. Is it awkward? NO. Is it weird? NO. Is it uncomfortable? BIG NO! So what is it? Do you remember the cruise we were into? We're just like that, very smooth-sailing on how we deal on each other. We're like a cruise running smoothly elegant.

Why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that last forever, like a greeting card?

- Tom Hansen

(500 Days of Summer)

Grateful